My whole family and I witnessed my father die a painful death. Impacted my future/life forever.

This is like my 2nd upright on Reddit. I am a Asian American high school senior graduating this year. High school started really gone, but it quickly turned into a hell-ridden landscape. In my sophomore year, it was found that my father had theatre 3 pancreatic cancer. This category cancer is certainly aggressive and is really hard to treat. All of a sudden, we were all aware that my father was living on borrowed meter. Our family was ravaged. I had to assume responsibilities of an adult: doing/ learning all kinds of works around the house, facilitating my brother( “whos” 7th point at the time) with his schoolwork etc. My father was in and out of chemo, and doctors recommended him some sort of diet plan. Unfortunately he did not follow that project and would always insist that he could eat whatever he missed. My mom had to constantly take care of him, and sometimes when he had to go to the emergency room, my mama would drive him there at like 2 am in the morning. As the working day delivered, my father started to get skinnier and skinnier, due to less eating( one of the indications of this cancer ). My mom even told me that my dad had to shower with the lighters off because of how afraid he was looking at himself in the reflect. This continued…from January…until 9 months later( when chemo didn’t cultivate anymore , nothing succeeded ), on the first of October( when I was in junior year and my brother in 8th point ). I clearly remember that day, and can describe it in detail. As I was going dwelling from the bus stop, I entered the house and my mommy hastened me out. She said to expect an ambulance and that my father had fainted after using the restroom or coming out of bunked. I sat there awkwardly, until I could hear alarms in the distance. As they get closer, I was beginning to impatiently speed around. I knew that something was wrong. The fire truck came first. One of the firemen asked me where my parents were. I said they were inside. Then the ambulance established up. They transported my father to the nearest hospital, about 3 miles away. My mom and I followed, me behind the rotate of the silver-tongued Toyota Camry( I was just beginning to drive ). We hastened to the hospital. I remember treading in, and the harbour steered us through a door and a short right turn to a curtained-off room. My dad was there, expecting us. He told us that he was cold. My mom told a wet-nurse if they could get a blanket for him. They never did. So my mommy had to do it herself. My mom would stay in that chamber as a close house friend would drive us home and concoct dinner for us. About 40 minutes later, we were raced back into the hospital. By then, the church members were met there, with my dad grumbling loudly in pain. He was wide-eyed, I thought he was insane for a moment. My dad preserved on groaning, and I could tell “hes in” some serious aching. As the nurses arrived, we asked for some morphine to ease his sorenes. They said they would. But it did not arrive. As we are all standing there, my dad grumbles loudly that he’s going to die. The nurses tried to assure him that he won’t, but I didn’t thoughts my pa could hear them over the roaring grumbling. Then, my momma drew the ravage proclamation. That my brother and I had to say goodbye to my father. When it was my turn to hug my father, he weakly made his boney weapons around me as a final adopt, even in pain. Then, I maintained his ice cold hands as we listened/ watched my mom touch my dad’s manager and grieve. Finally they decided to use morphine, after my father had been in so much pain. My father’s last word were placid cries of aid. I clearly remember that only my brother and I heard them. They were “I want to be called. I want to be baptized.” This was very surprising because my father was not the religious category. The church members( bless their feelings, they helped us so so much after and they were our main support) sang Amazing Grace and christened my father as he slowly overstepped. It was determined that he had abdominal internal bleeding. We left the room in various states of appall. I was one of them who left last. As we left the room, I looked into the room one last-place term through a cranny. My dad was silently screaming in agony, noses look at this place a nothingness, chief reeled nearly off the bed. The doctor and wet-nurse seemed unfazed, as if they had find extinction pas every minute. We are available on denial with my father’s death. We did not know that it would happen on that day. Everything spiraled out of control from there. I come and talk to my counselor the next day, who promptly notified school teachers. They all seemed to genuinely care, except probably my English teacher, who predicted me that he would evaluate some missing wreak, but he never did. In sophomore, I was coming a lot of B’s. Now, in junior, those points started slipping even further to C’s. I was spending more occasion at home helping my mummy cope with the loss, and doing chores and shaping sure my brother was ok. I simply told 3 of my closest friends about my statu. Thank God that they understood me, with one of them having lost a relative to cancer.( Right now, one of those friend’s mom has breast cancer ). I pictured no spirit at all, even when everyone was weeping next to my father, but strangely I did not shed a tear. My mother and friend cried heavily that night, but I did not. My mom was very livid at the hospital for not having plowed my dying parent sooner, and she was also livid at my father’s mothers, who never went to see their lad and never texted/ called us to see if we were doing alright, never evidenced any commiseration that one of their sons had passed out. At the deeming was when I cried, envisioning how amicable my father just lay there. My father’s friend was there, but he was emotionless. He merely gazed at his person with no interest at all. We have trimmed all contact with my father’s side of the family. The bad scores I had in sophomore/ junior year were used to apply for college, and as I viewed college after college spurn/ waitlist me, I started to become less confidant. On the bright side tho, I have decided to go to college in Salt Lake City, where my dad had graduated from, and where regrettably my father’s parents lived. Right now, I only was just really down with everything that has happened. My father’s death. Then COVID-1 9. Then a relative passed out. Then my grandpa( mother’s line-up) with suspected Alzheimers. Stress to do well in my elderly time. College applications. All of this had a fairly negative impacts on me and my brother, but I can’t imagine what my mummy had gone through. I now live my life with the awareness thought that life is so precious and vulnerable, and likewise fragile. My heart too carries inside a heavy weight; everytime “i m thinking about” my father it creates back a billow of caches that I do not want to remember. I has actually told few of what has happened, under the instruction of my mama. I’m just so weighed down that I have no idea if I have some sort of depression or if I have moved closer but carry the load and responsibility of the family. Thank you so much for taking the time to read this( if you managed to reach here ). I is a well-known fact that our house is all sad, but I’m various kinds of scare the crap out of telling my mom I might have other mental problems, and I bet that my mom is scared of telling us that she has some sort of mental problems as well. This event certainly made a toll on our mental and physical state, and I please people out to really cost/ increase life and to “live life as if it is your last day alive”. lash dad

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