I thought my eating disorder was gone for good. I was wrong.

Tw ED. Maybe don’t speak if you can relate too much.

I’ve( F19) had eating difficulties since I was 15. I was going entire weeks without eating a thing, and I’m alarmed I’m oh my direction to doing so.

I have shitty a metabolism, my part genealogy does, and for the longest time the only diet I found that worked was no diet.

But, my spirit doesn’t let me just stay at a purpose I contact.

Anorexics will typically regulate a point value, my original one way back when I was 15 was 112, I wound up at 90 pounds.

It ever happens, whenever I recovered and then relapsed it was because I reached a weight I didn’t like, wanted to lose a few pounds, stopped dining, restrained departing, and now I’m back to roughly dying.

I FINALLY believed I’d perceive an out with the keto diet. An actual healthful nutrition than I can authenticate genuinely acts. I felt like i lastly had restrict over my eating, I was at a tolerable load and I got to eat food I experienced without advance much.

But, I suspect old-fashioned dress never die, because after several months of chewing healthily, my attention has decided yet again that its not sufficient.

I want to go back to being underweight, I want to feel hunger stings, I want to see my ribs and be too fucking thin.

I don’t know why I want this, it concludes no feel, but I do, and I detest that I do.

I’m tired of recovery, I’m tired of trying, I’m tired of relapsing, I’m tired of it all.

I thought it was over, it WAS over for like half a fucking time, longer than it had been since I was 15, but now it’s back.

I participated with a Pro-Ana group again so I can be surrounded by people who will encourage my heinous dress. Because I’m stupid and sorry and “ve earned it”.

And because I’m just fucking tired of trying to recover, I’m sick of the in-between, I’m sick of everything.

I dont know what to do, I choose I wasn’t like this, I dislike my sentiment, I hate that it won’t let me be health, I hate that this is only one of a big roster of troubles. I hate i detest it I dislike it.

submitted by / u/ IrisTheTranny [ tie ] [ explains ]

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