I’m a teenage, Last year, I was in a very bad place for roughly the part time, I couldn’t study for more than 20 minutes without having a serious breakdown, I didn’t attend world-class for months but around September, I got sick of being a bag of shit and decided to get better.
I went on foods, I activity a little, I studied for 8 hours a day, I communicated with friends, I ruminated, did Tai Chi, is cooperating with quartzs, played outside, congregated my cousins, I did all the good stuff. I am so proud of how far I’ve come in the past three months, I’m so so proud, I adoration myself for it but I feel like the sadness is returning.
I’ve faced this before, It’s like I do some utterly awesome things in “peoples lives”, I experience life and then after a month or two, the awesomeness fades, it doesn’t matter anymore and gradually slowly depressing thoughts come back to my recollection.
I feel like every few months I’m oscillating between a super fortunate party and a super chilled person, I exactly want to be normal, I don’t mind suffering sadness but it sucks that atleast 68% of the times my sadness comes along with suicidal thoughts and recommends to self ill. It’s as if, I don’t know what’s in between.
Just a week ago, I predict my daily horoscope on astrodienst, it said that I would go through a depressive government and since then bad things have piled on and now I’m again a super happy bitch. I don’t know if it was my subconscious manifesting for recession after say the horoscope or if the prognosi was actually legit.
People keep saying that I should love myself before anything so that’s what I did, I desire myself, sure, I could activity more and eat better but I perfectly do not dislike myself and more I feel lonely and depressed. God knows what awesome ass things I need to do become glad again, it’s fucking tiring. I’m posting now because y’all open good opinion. Wish you all the best. Thanks.
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